Vol. 2 No. 5
New News about an Old Town
May 2003

A French Foreign Aid Worker Gave Me the Crabs
by Abdullah Kanta

Janet Snyder: Has Anybody Done So Little With Such a Rich Father?
by Kermit Woolsing

Official Buffalo Mudd Charity:
"Keep Fuzzy Drunk"
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Craziness Beyond Buffalo...

Buffalo Etc...

A semi-modern sampling of yearbook quotes from graduating high school seniors across WNY:

"If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't it never really was!" Anonymous
-Every third girl in every yearbook since 1950.

"Blank was here, now they're gone. Left my name to carry on."
-Every fifth joker in every yearbook since 1950

"En el cielo hay una palma con los romos por el suel, rich cracker mutherfuckers!!!"
-Jose Rivera, Nichols School, 2003

"Metallica Forever!!!"
-Mark Bannish, Seneca, 1999

"I did the entire varsity girls field hockey team"
-Lola Fist, Holy Angels Academy, 1985

"It's a town full of losers and I'm pulling out of here to win."
B. Springsteen-Thunderoad
-Wanna Domeldorf , South Park HS,1979

* "It's only teenage wasteland"
Pete Townshend- Baba O'Riely
-Daniel Bolwicki, Frontier HS, 1973

1-2-3-4-5 Jackie Wiggins don't take no jive.
-Jackie Wiggins East HS,1970


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Top Stories of the Week

Is Gregg Williams too Fat to Coach the Bills?
On a slow Tuesday morning at WGR55, sports-talk host Bob Gaughan posed a question to listeners that somehow had remained unasked in the thousands upon thousands of hours of Bills talk since the end of the 2002 season: "Is Gregg Williams too fat to coach the Bills?" According to Gaughan, the answer is yes and he should be fired. Full Text >>

South Buffalo Pranksters Shocked and Disappointed to Find "Smitty from the Corner" Driving the "Mister Softee"Truck
A small band of South Buffalo pranksters were all set to vandalize a Mister Softee Truck on the corner of Good St. & South Park when, much to their shock and disappointment, they were greeted at the order window by "Smitty from the corner" instead of an Arab-American who they had planned on violating in a racially insensitive way. Full Text >>

Guinness Book Recognizes Local Couple
Jackie and Arlo Hindlick of Cheektowga welcomed a healthy baby girl into the world on Wednesday, November 28th at Millard Fillmore Suburban Hospital. She was born at 6:33 A.M. and weighed in at 6lbs and 3oz. Despite feelings of blessedness and supreme joy Arlo remained a little preoccupied
Full Text >>

Area Feminist Won't be Burning Anymore Bras
For the last twenty- years Clare Skillingham of Williamsville has identified herself as a card-carrying member of the feminist group NOW (National Organization of Women) and has burned more than her share of bras at various women's events. Lately, however, she is considering whether all the angst and agitation that comes with being a feminist is really worth it. Full Text >>

97 Rock Names "Stairway to Heaven" the #1 Rock-n-Roll Song of All Time- Again
To absolutely no one's surprise Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" topped 97 Rock's annual countdown of the top 500 rock-n-roll songs of all time this past Memorial Day weekend. Dubbed, the Memorial Day 500, the classic rock station has honored "Stairway to Heaven" in its yearly countdown with the number one position 51 out of the last 54 years with Lynard Skynard's, "Freebird" winning the other three times.
Full Text >>

Baby Joe Mesi Set to Fight 8th Grader Top ten heavyweight contender and Buffalo native, Joe Mesi will fight Robert Davis on June 24th at HSBC Arena. If all goes as expected, the 25-0 Mesi, will tentatively fight again in late August, early September. Although details of the end of summer bout still remain unclear one thing is for sure- Baby Joe will not fight Hasim Rahman, Mike Tyson or Lennox Lewis, but rather Gordy Burridge of London, Ontario a really tough 102lb, 8th grader who has been calling Mesi out since he was in the 6th grade. Full Text >>

Episcopalians Introduce Bubble Gum Flavored Wafers at 1st Communion Ceremonies Full Text >>

Overly Friendly and Cheerful "Subway" Proprietor is about to get his Ass Kicked
Full Text >>




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